8/3/2007 Guy's Campaign: An interlude because Guy was gambling tonight on our war ponies (instead of letting us use them to cross the badlands)

Setting: Immediately after Hugo Valentino and Chlorox the Cleric were rescued from the hill giants, Fingar reveals that they are urgently
needed for a secret mission. Under the confidential directive of the
Sherriff, Fingar was assigned - on pain of death - to rescue Hugo and
Chlorox and take them quickly to Dagger Keep, there to defend a group of villagers from an incoming group of brigands. While the rest of the
party performs a pincer maneuver to cut off the brigands' supply line,
Fingar, Chlorox, and Hugo must stay to protect the villagers should any
trouble come, which - of course - probably won't happen... BWA HA HA HA!!!


Fingar - All's quiet on the perimeter, mates. I'm confident that my
security routine will protect us (remember...I was in the Elven Naval
Intelligence...), but if that paranoid lunatic Toobelcain were here, he'd probably say it's "too quiet." 

Chlorox - Yeah, I'm sure nothing bad will happen. I would hate for a
bunch of blood and spent arrows and hobgoblin guts and junk to ruin
Dagger Keep. I just finished cleaning the place! And then I had my nails done. I'm the world's prettiest, and cleanest, cleric. 

Fingar - Hugo, how are things on your watch? 

Hugo (in Eastern European accent) - On my vatch? Vhat vould I be doink
vatching a borink forest vhere zhere is nothink but borink animals vhen
I have my beautiful muscles to look at? I am so beautiful! I am so
handsome! Vatch me lift and crush and be ze strongest man in ze vorld!

Cholorox - Yeah, you sure are a handsome guy. Now if only you were strong enough to explain to me these inscrutable rules for attacks of
opportunity...

Fingar - Hugo, I'm sure you're really strong, but don't you feel that in working out so much to get big, you may be missing out on things like flexibility and a decent Dexterity bonus to your armor class?

Hugo (in Eastern European accent) - Flexability? I'll be showink you
zome "flex-ability"! (Hugo flexes and shows off his muscles, kissing his biceps and making his pecs dance)

Chlorox - Oh man, he's getting muscle oil all over my beautiful clean floors! Cleanliness is next to godliness and if I don't keep things
clean here I might lose my bonus domain spells!

Fingar - Hey, guys, don't you think we should be
worried more about
protecting the villagers from the brigands than our
"vonderful" muscles
and how clean the floor is? 

Hugo (in Eastern European accent) - All ze ladies are lovink Hugo! Oh,
Hugo, aren't you zo big and strong? You are zo vonderful! Hello ladies,
vould you like to watch me cast ze enlarging of ze person? If you know
vhat I mean, and I sink you do? 

Chlorox - Fingar, I think you worry too much. Hey, if some bad guys come, why don't you just give them the "fingar"? 

Fingar - (Sighhhhhhhhhh) Great, the whole party is protecting people
from these dreadful brigands, and I here I am stuck with a clean freak
who thinks she's a comedian and a half-orc in a posing pouch. (pauses,
looks thoughtfully) Hey you guys, I think we need to start making Spot
checks!

Sensing the presence of danger, we noticed sounds of small creatures rustling through the undergrowth in the near distance.  Taking no chances, we locked the villagers into one of the few remaining strong
points within the ruined keep.  Suddenly, two goblins appeared and
obviously spying the glint of the setting sun off of Hugo's vonderful
muscles, launched a volley of arrows at him. Unperturbed, Hugo (or as
Fingar fondly calls him "Valentine") moved out smartly to engage the
diminutive enemy.  Fingar, laughing at such a puny foe, blasted one to
smithereens with a mere flip of a magic missile.  
Then, before we could regroup, they were all over us...appearing from all directions our small party of defenders was quickly engaged in their own separate battles. Hugo held the center line. Chlorox shifted to head of a goblin flanking maneuver from the left...firing her cross bow she was heard to yell..."which of these dice is the 8-sided one"...to which Hugo helpfully replied "count ze sides!!!!!" (he was
quite proud that he figured that out...it was very cute...).  

Fingar shifted to cover the right flank (or "a la Droit" as we say in French L'Academie Du Battaille-Fingar was in an exchange program).
Individually, these goblins were not particularly powerful, easily
falling to simple spells, sword thrusts and arrows...and yet still they came on in legion...wearing us down by shear numbers...our hit
points started to fall...

The sneaky devils continued to try and out flank us...mysteriously, they knew exactly where we had secured the villagers and were attempting to work their way there to pick the lock and gain entry...Fingar (patting himself on his back over his own brilliance)
launched a web that covered the entry entryway...hahahaha he thought to himself...DM thwarted...that'll last 30 minutes and the fight will be long over by then...only to see the web go up in flames a few rounds later when the measly little goblin wizard blasted
it with burning hands...

Chlorox, going invisible, created chaos on the enemy
flank...casting spells and yelling such that the enemy was running in
circles...finally, she had the perfect opportunity to attack a near by
threat.  Knowing full well that her actions would reveal her presence,
she lashed out at the enemy, bringing him down.  In the center, Hugo

swung mightily, hurling small goblins right and left...but then...out of the woods...appeared the brigands leader...a giant bugbear fighting
two-handed...he dealt mighty blows...but he was no match for the young
Austrian half-orc...critical hit!!!!!!!!!....DM jaw
dropping (how dare you thwart my main attack) maximum damage....Hugo
laid the leader low...(then, in an interesting victory dance, flexed
his gluteus-maximus at the remaining foes...causing one goblin to flee
in terror...interestingly, it caused another goblin to
smile and move closer...but that's another adventure...)...

Our perimeter continued to shrink as we fell back under the
continued onslaught of goblins, assorted human brigand lieutenants and
the second bugbear leader...(apparently the brother of the first, he was quite upset to see his brother's body cleaved from stem to stern)...

Fingar, facing a goblin and a brigand simultaneously, in the most
impressive "Meadowlark Lemon-Harlem Globe Trotters" move, flipped his flaming sphere behind his back...high up into the air and down on to
the unsuspecting head of the goblin. Chlorox fell victim to an
attack...collapsing with -1 hit points..."Don't vorry...you vell be
fine" Hugo promised...."That's what you said the last time" Chlorox said deliriously (obviously having some odd cosmic connection to the poor departed Elf Bromowitz....)...and so Hugo and Fingar battled on
alone...desperately hurrying to deal with the last of the foe so we
could save Chlorox and the villagers...the evil goblins finally
succeeded in picking to lock and sprayed the villagers with some poison
that sickened them greatly...
 

Hugo...now fully enlarged...wow, you thought he was huge to begin with!!!!!!!!!...cleaved through goblin after goblin...blood
spurting....body parts flying (Fingar almost had a post traumatic stress moment...flashing back to the poor General and the
giants...)....and then Hugo himself was brought down...falling to the
ground unconscious...Fingar "I'll save you later after I take care of the guy who can help me more" quickly administered a healing
potion to the fallen warrior (much to the chagrin of the goblin
brigands who were smited by him in the next round!!!)...in one final,
gloriously climactic, Valkyrian moment Hugo laid waste to the
last of the brigands who were attempting to poison the villagers (some of whom were now in dire straits)..."Take zat you cowardly scum bags,
vhat made you zink you could ever conquer such a specimen of muscled
perfection!!!!!!!!"  

We quickly stabilized Chlorox...healed the rest of the party...all of whom were down to single digit hit points...and administered to the villagers...thankfully all were saved...though one was literally at death's door...attacked thwarted, we gathered the villagers and brought them back to the comparative safety of the town...of course not before shifting through the carnage for our treasure...(subject to adjudication, of course) we found two masterwork keen scimitars (good for a druid that has no weapons if he wants one), some potions of healing (which were all consumed right then and there and an Amulet of Natural Armor +1....
It should actually be 2,100. Extra 100 for saving the villagers.